after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
