Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Come see our sink grown plant.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
