I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
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