At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
