I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
