You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
