how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
