I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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