I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize