I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
