i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
