My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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