I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
