So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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