Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
