where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i think i have herpe
just one?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
