I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize