who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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