He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
