I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
