Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Randomize
