we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
