That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
