And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
