I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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