I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
