She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
