my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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