I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
