I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Actions speak louder than pants.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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