dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Found your dick twin last night
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
