Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
