you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
