if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
