OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
