how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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