Umm I'm too high to move.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
