..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
