You work out of a Hotel?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
