The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
