in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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