I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Randomize
