How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
