This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Terrible idea I love it
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
