i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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