so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
