Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
