Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
