he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He felt like a one man threesome
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My dad just said "fuck circus"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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