Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
