he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
this hospital has no fireball
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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