i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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