i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
