Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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