How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No I am not eating basil off your cock
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
